[gr80919]

14) If the sales are slow: all employees will get out, close the shutter…wait 15 seconds, re-open the shutter and go in.

[ncjohn63]

Of course this is the most ridiculous thing we have ever heard of, but of course I?m sorry we can?t help you with your genuine XP copy because we leave the key numbers on the outside of the box where people can copy them and use them. So someone already is using your key, thus leaving you out to dry. Might as well jump into a pool of alcohol while you are on fire.

[jasbner]

What a stupid attempt at humor... This is a terrible excuse for journalism.

[Legatus]

Think free mcp trainning to MS customers, the stores will be great platforms to familiarize users with products.

[TechieXP]

There is plenty of proof:
http://www.pcworld.c...le/152151/applereleasesanothermegapatchformacos_x.html
http://ithreats.word...bility-in-2008/
http://blogs.technet...-scorecard.aspx

In 2008 this guy who isn't a MSFT partner test several linux and OSX builds for hazards. based on tests and informatiuon gathered by several security companies who test software found Windows Vista was more secure then even Apple 10.5 (Leopard) and several version of Linux including Ubuntu. There is your proof. And this was based on Vista brand new out teh box with no service packes applied. It was actually more safer than Windows XP SP2. Sees like your screen name fits you ever so perfect.

[dissentingadult]

wow, larryt:

you sound pretty bitter about all the years of machines made from random (and i mean random) hardware vendors' parts not quite working as expected. i know that i have dealt with that with almost every new version of windows, as it was rushed to market without proper testing.

but i have never experienced that with any of the macs i have had.

i guess i have been lucky in that one of my two vista machines works
pretty well, but the other is a complete nightmare. hmmm...same
software, clean installs on both...maybe some hardware worthy of
evangelism would level that playing field.

[ncjohn63]

Microsoft Office $269.99, Microsoft XP Pro $139.99, viruses, blue screens of death, tech support that staff that can't speak English, over priced, non backward compatible, XP no no Vista, (CRASH) (move on) wait now there is 7, but Go to Vista before going to 7. Crushing start ups, using corrupt tactics. PRICELESS, for everything else mortgage your home.

[TechieXP]

First off those 10 million losers wounldnt have gotten infected if they kept their systems up to date. MSFT had already released a patch in Oct of 2008 that would have protected them against it. Its just like a loser who thinks bec he lives in a low crime or isolated area thinks he wont get broken into. And the house anaogy was dead on...u simply see it your way.

http://www.pcworld.c...le/152151/applereleasesanothermegapatchformacos_x.html
http://ithreats.word...bility-in-2008/
http://blogs.technet...-scorecard.aspx

Read this and make sure you download teh PDF. Windows Vista is safer to use period over any OS out right now including one made by MSFT itself.

[milkmood]

Why would anybody waste their time debating somebody who can't even spell "morons" correctly? Off to a great intellectual start there. What I've found about Mac users: 80% are potheads. The other half are either legitimate graphic artists, or were sold a bill of goods.

[Enlightenment]

All employees will have a SMUG and GAY attitude...oh wait that is Apple.

Only microsoft hardware will be allowed in the store...oh wait that is Apple.

The store won't have any cool games...oh wait that is Apple.

[malsip]

As a programmer/engineer with 26 years experience, including 8 dedicated completely to computer security work, holder of 3 security clearances, and someone who's actually USED an operating system not manufactured by Microsoft, I feel safe in saying your quote is the most uninformed and technically illiterate statement I've ever read regarding computer security. This isn't meant as a personal swipe at you or anyone who holds the belief you've stated, but let's be clear -- it's only a belief, and it'd be very interesting to know exactly how many years you've worked with OS X. I'll make a prediction based on what you've written -- zero. If not, I'd love to publicly debate you on exactly what it is about Windows that makes it "more secure" than OS X. Microsoft won't debate it; maybe you will?

[dissentingadult]

although idiocy abounds throughout, these are the points that stuck out in my mind:
~8. Every 10 years they will totally change how the store works and
you'll have to buy a new car and get new credit cards and cash in order
to use the new store. At the Microsoft store you will be able to use
the car, credit cards and cash that you've used your whole life. The
new stores will be based on the building design the Microsoft stores
have always used but the Apple stores will claim the change is
innovative.~

in the microsoft car, when you use microsoft's new gas, you will be invigoratingly propelled down the road...for awhile. then, you will discover that your alternator no longer works with your battery or fuel injection, because there was no consistent quality control involved in making a complete system.

~9. While the Microsoft store will have a whole department dedicated to
gaming the Apple store will have one shelf comprised mostly of 20 year
old games, most of them variations on Myst.~

if games are your priority, you will feel right at home in the ms store. have fun. i have to work for a living, so when i am done typing, i will go back to developing standards-compliant web applications, and then fire up my pc's to see which parts i have to re-write to accommodate ie6 and ie7's different incompatibilities with standards. and just for the hell of it, i will glance at the work in firefox on one of the pc's, but i know that it will look alright there.

[KonradK]

To begin with "security through obscurity" is a myth. A hacker would gain tremendous bragging rights if they were the first to write an OS X exploit.

Second, this argument becomes weaker and weaker with time. Macs market share in the US is approaching 10%. Furthermore Mac users tend to be more affluent which is an extremely attractive demographic for hackers with criminal intent.

Third, OS with smaller market share than Mac OS X have been exploited. The Linux on an iPhone (with a market share of a few dozen at most) has been hacked .

Finally from a security standpoint, Windows OS is architecturally inferior. Vista is an improvement over XP, but still lags behind Linux and OS X. The single biggest problem with Windows is most users run with administrative privileges. This is not entirely Windows fault, since developers have become lazy to the point that running Windows widely used software without admin privileges is a pain.

With Unix, OS X, and Linux, security was designed from the beginning. With Windows, security was added as an after thought.

[dissentingadult]

"...80% are potheads. The other half..."

uh...what? you just called out someone for mis-spelling, but in the same post showed us all your very impressive math skills. put down your own bong, dell dude.

[Zork]

Number of Windows viruses, malware, and worms: Over 1,000,000

Number of Mac OSX viruses: 1 (include Mac OS) 5

Now who has the security problems?????

[malsip]

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."
-- Oscar Wilde

Wonderfully written and, sadly, all too true. But you forgot a couple:

11) Parking is modeled on Windows file storage for external drives -- your car might be where you left it. Or, it might not. If you do find it, there may be some missing parts, or it might have parts from another customer's car. If your car disappears... well, hey, you did bring a backup car... didn't you?

12) Customer service is handled via email out of the Microsoft Almost-Live call center located on the Mokil Atoll in Micronesia. Representatives speak only the creolized Sapuahfik language but will make every attempt to appear concerned and understanding by use of an English-language template that begins with "I understand you are having a problem with" . "We are sorry for the problem and offer the following solution: re-install the operating system/software/firmware. If you're still having trouble, please phone us between the hours of 3:00 and 4:00pm Mokil Atoll Standard Time. Calls cost $2.99 per Micronesian minute. Minimum charge 30 minutes. Call now, live girls are waiting to talk to you!"

13) Following the example of American Walmart superstores, larger Windows stores will offer walk-in medical clinics. Clinics will utilize diagnostic software based on Windows One Care virus scanner, able to detect an illness within 2 weeks of the date of patient death. (As with the computer virus scanning version of One Care, the clinic won't actually be able to heal you).

[MooseBoys]

42: John Hodgman will be giving out autographed copies of Win7

[4thbalanceofpower]

12. The MS store will have a "Features Coming Soon!" display, showing Mac 10.5
But seriously, I agree with some of the above statements. You guys are worse than Roe v Wade discussions! MS, Mac, Linux all have their own advantages. Here's the best analogy...
MS= A truck or SUV. Cutomize it to look good on the road or set it up for off roading. Plenty of after market parts available, as long as you know the ride isn't going to be smooth, but you'll have a utility vehicle.
Mac= Luxury Car. Like BMW/Mercedes, under the hood is sealed because they don't want you screwing around with parts because they don't want you broken down on the side of the road looking like you have a POS luxury item. Its the smoothest ride you'll have for going to and from type commuting and you'll look good doing it. The problem is that you can't take it out and have fun with it on the beach or in the woods, and i wouldn't recommend trying to pull a utility trailer with it.
Linux=It's a little beater-car, but it's free. Everything is free. Tool with it, customize it, it doesn't matter. It's not pretty, its not always a smooth ride, it'll get you where you want to go, and it's free.

[TechieXP]

The coolest thing about MSFT Stores is there will be lots of things to look at.
Apple stores have about 5 products to look at:
1.)Macs (laptop/desktop/mini) 2.)iPOD (nano, touch, phone etc) 3.) a Apple Keyboard/mouse) 4.)i set of fancy speakers and 5.) a few programs like Mac Office and all the 'I' softs.

However at MS Store it will be a site to see...s game section featureing Xbox and a host of games and consoles setup to play them in full surround-sound using HDTV's. Not HDTV screen hidden behinf cardboard that mimic an iphone. It will also give them a chance not to just show off there own host of keyboards and mice and flysticks and software...it will also give the a chance to show off 3rd party devices that carry Microsoft Software. As oppose to looking at 1 tired boring phone all through through the store...we can see some made my other and compare them face to face. It could be a good time for Microsoft to unveil there own PC and show you that if MSFT made their own PC with Windows it in fact would be better than the ones made by the OEMs.

And Microsoft having lots of partners whoknow how to market their own products I am sure they can give Bill a better helping had on a stores look an design. Something that looks better than an art museum. The only Apple Store I have ever been in is the one here in Chicago so I have no idea if they all look alike...but if they do then that eans they all look like a boring art museum that happens to be playing loud music. I rather have it setup like best buy except with fancier eye grabbing graphics, with music found in many of MSFT games like Halo..many the decor of an area will match some of the gaes like maybe shirts that mimic halo or Age of Empires. Make it a fun play where kids won't be scared to drop something on the floor. Make sure not to use glass. It will be nice to actually see a choice of popular software on the shelf vs just those made by MSFT themselves.

The Flagship Isle can have some history which would include older version of Windows and Office Maybe the light fixtures could feature Windows Orb or use small screen showing a screensaver of the latest animated Windows logo that you see when 7 is booting...and maybe the store can be in dark colors that use florescent lights top make cool animation on the floors and walls using laser light displays and some safe pyrotechnics...

With a lounge area that ppl actually want to be in...not a classroom in a store...where we have canteen machines and a Microsoft Arcade features popular games from the 80's.

And maybe an area that shows teh humble beginning of Micro-Soft when Bill was a bad boy and maybe have his first Porsche that we can actually sit in. And maybe we can meet his family, unlike Steve Jobs who didn't even except his own daughter but yet name a fail computer system after.

And it would be cool to have displays showing Microsoft's OS on a chip which would prevent pirating and virus attacks. And the list can go on. Why not find a positve about what MSFT is doing as oppose to always finding negatives. It doesn't matter who did soething first. If you watch history...its the boys who come later that ended up doing a better job.

Nintendo was always bashed for how they allow Sega to aways get their first. One thing about it, if you let someone else get their feet wet first, you won't make teh same mistakes when it is your turn. Where is Sega at now? Nintendo only had 1 failed system the VirtualBoy...How many did Sega have...lets see 32x, Saturn and I don't even remember the last piece of crap they made. In fact every technology company has had at least 1 failed product. Some have had more failures then Microsoft have.

And everyone is so quick to point out MSFT fault...teh other boys have plenty too. Why not throw dirt on them. We all know MSFT sucks at advertising...but they don't suck at marketing. If they did...they wouldn't be one of the biggest corporations in this country. Apple is just the opposite. Good at advertising and once was bad at marketing. But they learned...and MSFT will too. Money isn't everything...but one thing about having it..is you can buy the help you need and with so many great companies know to advertise really well, if MSFT hires them they stand to make the Apple Store another popular place in history where MSFT put them last time...way way back. Everytie MSFT

does something they always have to be compared to Apple. Apple doesn't set any standards. MSFT does. Apple got lucky with 1 product iPod and all its spinoff and ppl think they are God's gift to technology...they aren't. If they were MSFT and Windows wouldn't even exist as we know them today. MSFT didn't get where they are bec of luck. They got where they are bec they are smart.

MSFT doesn't need to be quiet about there moves. The only companies that need surprises are companies that need to build anticipation so that you want their products in the first place. When you own almost 90% of the world why do you need to be quiet. You should be loud and proud.

Only the devil needs to be sneaky.

Companies like Logitech have copied MSFT ideas for years...u dont see us crying. MSFT is one of the first companies that make ergo mice and keyboards. Logitech didnt even exist then. MSFT was one of the first companies that offered a piece of hardware along with the software...how many companies have copied that idea. And yes I am referring to MS Word packaged with MS Mouse. And Apple isn't the first company to sell their own stuff in a store which means they copied someone else. Gosh you should really get over yourselves always pounding MSFT's every move. Its tired already.

[celticowboy]

You forgot:

*) Will wait for Apple Store to add new displays or products to be sure they sell before setting up complicated copies that work half as well.